OMG. SHIT.
I WILL RIP OLIVIA ONG FROM LIMB TO LIMB AND SHRED HER SKIN.
WTF.
And I have a very good inkling who "they" is. Namely, CHEM CLASS, VANESSA. AND QUAH.
AND LET'S NOT FORGET MANN.
OMG MANN OF ALL PEOPLE.
I am utterly insulted. Yet, I can't help feeling absolutely amused, too.
XD
I mean, me and Joshua is so
impossible it's ludicrous.
Hasn't anybody heard of
friends, for goodness' sake!
I mean, shit, he likes *ahem*, and I'm just NOT INTERESTED.
And because I just told Olivia: "I will viciously murder you next saturday. You can read my blog to get an overview on how your death will be like. A preview of sorts.", this part is meant for Olivia Ong Siying to read. Other people may feel free too, as well. But at your own risk of not being able to sleep tonight >:D
CAUTION: DO NOT EAT AT LEAST 2 HOURS PRIOR TO TREATMENT; FOOD MIGHT SPILL OUT FROM GUTS.
1. I will slash a grater over your bare back, then pour salt in. Perhaps a couple of rusty nails might find their way in the NaCl too, I can't really say. It's supposed to be a surprise. Specifically, that particular treatment is known as Iron Surprise.
2. After which, I will grace you with my artistic abilities. Literally. And you get a choice too! Any available tool of your choice (i.e. knife, dagger etc.) will thereby be wielded by yours truly to carve out intrinsic,
artistic patterns on anywhere in your body. I recommend the face or torso. The back isn't good to work with anymore. Given that the skin there will be bloody and raw.
3. I can adorn you with a preeety necklace. Think: the metal neck brace in Battle Royale. The one that would blow up at the push of a button? Yeah, that's the one. Your's will be done in blood :D
Che. Why don't you have more limbs? Else the fun is so
limited. But whatever. We'll just have to make do.
4. Let's see. Fingers first, shall we? Pliers will be used to yank each fingernail out from your fingers. One by one. Once again, you are spoilt for choice. You get to choose which finger you want to start with, and on which hand too. Fear not, this procedure inches along slowly, and you are guaranteed the full pain you have requested for.
5. After the Fingernail Treatment, as it is popularly known as, it is the Toenail Treatment. Not very creative naming, I know. But it is a Results Guaranteed, Or Your Money Back treatment. Therefore, have faith (:
The Toenail Treatment is somewhat similar to the Fingernail Treatment, but is a slight variation. Instead of pliers, the Toenail Treatment gains uniqueness from it's form of execution: by hand. As a VIP, you get the personal touch from yours truly :D A scalpel, will be used to cut each toenail from their individual toes. Unfortunately, due to the risky undertakings of this process, the client will not be able to get a choice as to which toes will be done first. So sorry to spoil your fengshui :/
6. The Toenail Treatment preludes what is known as Fungus Infestation. Here, the still-raw and bleeding toes will be placed in a tub of leeches. Contrary to popular belief, leeches do not prevent infections. Rather, they encourage it. For this very reason, leeches are employed in this treatment, to urge the speed of the growth of potential fungus. As an added bonus, this is absolutely free of charge, as it is a sub-treatment that follows the Toenail Treatment.
The body is done. Now's the face's turn :D We're making great progress :DDD
7. Your eyes will be dealt with first, to plunge you into darkness and enable you to further immerse yourself in the exquisite sensation of sharp, stinging pain. At this point of time, your nerves should feel like they're on fire, and pain should be gnawing from deep inside.
You will be tied to the wall. Do not attempt to break free, for the manacles are studded with shrapnels of glass, and are intended to slash without compunction. You will be requested to open your eyes. DO NOT IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE CLOSE YOUR EYES. Your eyes will be glazed with honey. And a swarm of bees will be released. If you would prefer wasps or hornets, kindly tell our staff beforehand, and arrangements can be made. DURING THIS PROCESS, PLEASE DO NOT OPEN YOUR MOUTH, FOR REASONS WHICH WILL BE LATER EXPLAINED.
Now, you are blinded. Whether the blindness is temporary or permanent depends on the individual. Torture Inc. will not be held responsible for any unwanted repercussions.
8. Poison Sting. Centipedes will be poured into your mouth. Do attempt to move your tongue as much as possible to agitate the centipedes, and thus provoke multiple stings.
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I shall stop here, because Quah can see me online and is telling me not to be late XD
And also because I am utterly in awe of the creative ability I possess.
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That really helped me relieve a
lot of stress. Imagining Olivia in that state >:D Which is why I don't understand why I'm more of an auditory learner than a visual one :l
HAH OLI. THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO SPREAD UNTRUE RUMORS. EVIL THINGG.
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Labels: joshua, olivia, rants